Category: mental health

#22: My Quest for Composure

Experimenting with meditation

I knew this wouldn’t be easy, but my G-D is it hard to sit and calm my breathing and try not to think of all the things I could be doing if I were not trying to meditate. Clearly I need to be doing this.

My first try went like this: I thought about how in the world I would sit still for 5 minutes, I recited a list of positive mantra-type thoughts (I am happy, I am healthy, I love my husband, my kids are thriving, etcetera), I thought (accidentally) about lunch, I thought about calming my heart rate, which was racing, probably with nervousness about “wasting” precious baby-nap-time, and then I sneaked a peek at the clock. It had been 3 minutes. I decided that was enough for a first go.

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#21: The Laws of Attraction

Believe the hype.

Some of you will think I’ve gone off the deep end, but hopefully most of you know that I’m just the sort of person who likes to see for myself what the hype is about. I read the first Harry Potter book, for example. I watched an episode of “Modern Family.”

The Secret piqued my interest a while ago, but just recently when someone mentioned it again, I thought, there’s a movie now, that’s not a huge commitment—I’ll check it out. We watched it the other night, and it turns out The Secret is not such a big secret, as far as I’m concerned. The message, though, I do contend, is powerful and valuable. Basically, that message is: focus on the positive and you will attract more of the same.

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#19: Starting early

Rather than stress, embrace.

This very early wake-up due to baby is taking its toll. I’ve been feeling more than just tired—less patient, more high-strung, more overwhelmed about everything. So yesterday, after researching “baby wakes too early” online and finding that a) it’s incredibly common and b) there’s really not much to be done about it, Mike and I decided rather than stress over this thing we can do little about, we should attempt to embrace it.

We took out a notepad and actually wrote down a rough sketch of what our mornings might look like if we roll with it rather than try to get back to sleep after the crying has started. We acknowledged that this will be a relaxed plan, since some days baby will wake too early, some nights we will go to bed too late. Today was Day 1 of this experiment—and it was AWESOME.

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#18: Chest Pains

It hurts to think of not breastfeeding anymore, but it’s time.

Ah, nursing. Or should I begin: Oh, my boobs. What they’ve been through. Or rather, are going through. I have a thriving, well-fed 15-month-old boy who just thinks mommy’s chest looks better and better by the day. It’s become a comfort thing by now—clearly, since he eats well and drinks plenty of whole milk and water throughout the day. I never thought I’d still be nursing at 15 months, but here we are.

I never thought I’d be the one to say I’m done with it first either, but here we are. I love looking down at my tiny one while he’s cozying up to my body. I do. But I don’t like the way he tugs at my shirt and paws my chest when I’m holding him. And I don’t like how he wakes up before 6 a.m. looking for that comfort. I do believe I’m ready to have my boobs back to myself.

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#13: Share the Love

An homage to V-Day

I just love the wisdom I glean from the people who attend my classes. Every class is good for at least one choice nugget. We talk about good (and bad) restaurants, books, activities around town…and very often about our kids, and what they are teaching us of late.

We learn so much from children, whether ours or someone else’s…they just ask such great questions that make us think in a profoundly new way. “Why are phones not allowed in the playground, Mommy?” Why indeed? Well, I suppose because if Mommy were talking on her phone, she might not notice you run out of the playground and into the parking lot. Huh. So that’s why that sign is there.

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#12: Clear Your Clutter

It’s time to face your internal clutter.

Maybe some of you are familiar with this New Year’s resolution: Clean out the house and keep it clutter-free. It is hard work to keep the house uncluttered when you’re busy, and even more so when you’re busy and have children. When you work, too, well, it’s almost easier to just give up.

But don’t. When you live in a cluttered home, you hold clutter on the inside, too. In fact, when you visit a person’s home and it’s just stuff everywhere, you can tell a lot about that person. Not that he or she is necessarily dirty or lazy, but that he or she likely has some unresolved issues. It’s true: Clutter is only a surface expression of a deeper issue. When you keep your home organized and clean, your heart and mind are more free and available to the people and things that are important to you.

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#10: Why We Do Things Even When We Know They’re Not Good For Us

So the kids and I are sitting in the car waiting for Mike to grab a smoothie for Bella, when a car pulls into the parking spot beside us, and Bella notices that the woman is doing something she hasn’t seen before. “Why is that lady doing that?” “What?” “She’s doing that with the fire.” I look, and I see. The woman is smoking. It’s now time to have thatconversation.

I tell Bella it’s something that some people do, not everyone, and that it’s stinky, dirty, gross, bad for you, makes you sick, makes your teeth yucky….to which she responds, staring blankly out the window, “Uh-huh.” It’s then that I realize what she must be thinking: “Then why would some people choose to do it?” That is much harder to explain.

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#9 Being Thankful

Let us give thanks, shall we?

Let us give thanks, shall we? For our childbearing hips, our matronly triceps, our formidable will to shrink our tummies. For the stamina to chase children, work hard, and play harder. For the mental clarity to know the difference between “needs work” and “fine the way it is.” For the mental agility to see what is possible and the lucidity to accept what is futile (and the ability to forgive ourselves for it).

Thank you for the tiny pockets of time that are truly little gifts, fifteen unexpected minutes when we can read or drink some tea out of a mug instead of a to-go cup. Thank you to our babies for the occasional really good naps.

Thank you to the ones who love us, for loving us.

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#8: The (Too) Skinny

How do we stay on the safe side of skinny?

I caught Portia De Rossi (now Degeneres) on Oprah the other day. She was discussing her new memoir, called Unbearable Lightness. Who knew she’d had such a desperate relationship with food not so long ago? Well, okay, we all did, if we watched Ally McBeal, but I didn’t understand that the actresses we rolled our eyes at, saying they were too skinny, actually had serious eating disorders. When Portia hit her lowest point, she was 82 pounds!

It struck me as I listened to her talk how very hard it is, for a lot of people, to watch what they eat and stay mentally healthy about it. Once you’re “watching what you eat,” maybe counting calories, it’s not terribly difficult to see how you might get a little too into it, and start flirting with bulimia, deprivation, or at least obsession. I realize I’m lucky because it isn’t hard for me to be moderate in most things I do. I have pretty fierce willpower, so I can say no to dessert if I want to. But what makes it so much easier is that I usually say yes. I just stop after one cookie instead of eating two or three or a whole box. It sounds so easy, I know.

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100 Things to Think About While Doing a Plank

Or: My relationship with my abs and beyond

It’s not easy to plank, but it’s one of the best exercises you can do without any props. Just you and the floor and your focus. That’s the hard part, the focus. I always say that exercising is not just physical, it’s also mental, and the plank is a fantastic example. When I plank with others, I often say “go to your happy place.” That’s my way of saying, take your mind off the exercise itself because your body can do it—it’s your brain that’s saying “I’m tired, I’m bored, I’ve done enough for today…” Transport yourself through conversation (as we do in class) or reading (as I sometimes do alone) or thinking about something other than holding yourself up in an admittedly uncomfortable position, and you CAN do a plank for a minute, or two, or even three.

Since I love to plank (or rather to have planked), and I certainly love to make others plank, I intend to share here 100 things to busy your mind so it won’t sabotage that wonderful plank.

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